7 Questions That Can Predict How Long You’ll Be in Therapy

What prompted you to find a therapist could reflect a deeper root issue. For instance, let’s say you’re thinking therapy may help you with workplace distress, like feeling micromanaged by your boss. But when we peel back the layers, we may discover how this issue stemmed from your early—and awful—childhood, at the hands of authority figures.

That’s what this first bullet point refers to. How did you get hurt, psychologically speaking? If it happened frequently and started in childhood, it would most likely take longer to heal this pain compared to if someone traumatized you in adulthood, and it was a one-time incident.

2. Have You Gotten Professional Help Before?

This question can lead to a two-edged sword. On the one hand, if you’ve seen another mental health professional, it can potentially shorten your current therapy run. For example, if your parents failed you, but prior therapy has helped you heal from the pain from one parent, this time around, your therapy can focus on the impact you felt from the other parent.

On the other hand, if the previous therapy experience left a bad taste in your mouth, it may be helpful to spend some of your current sessions processing what went wrong before. However, this also means dedicating additional time to your current therapy.

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No, the barista who flirts with you as you collect your daily brew doesn’t count (unless you also spend three hours unburdening your heart each time). Rather, think of safe people as your tribe. They’re the ones you can go deep with, beyond a hi and a bye.

You know you’re sitting with someone safe when you feel more than okay to bare your soul. You feel emboldened—empowered—to do just that.

Safe relationships are the places where we heal. So, if you’re lacking good friends or trusty confidantes, therapy may be the only safe place for you to heal. This, of course, might mean that you’ll have a prolonged stint in therapy, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What’s there to dread about being in a nurturing, personalized, and yet professional relationship that can transform your life for the better?

4. How Experienced Is Your Therapist?

Experience plays a major role in a therapist’s career. There’s a fundamental difference between seeing a therapist who’s still in graduate school (or pre-licensed), versus a freshly licensed therapist, versus a licensed therapist who is seasoned in the craft.

For instance, if you were my client back when I had just secured my license, you would’ve detected a somewhat nervous vibe from me during our first session. Doing intake sessions used to pressure me to obtain all the necessary information from my clients while creating a good enough first impression so they’d set another appointment. But if you contact me for therapy now, you’d likely sense no anxiety from me in our first session.

Needless to say, a more experienced therapist could help move you along faster than someone who’s newer.

Coming in once a week would advance your progress faster than if you skipped every other week. In my experience, going to therapy less frequently than twice a month offers very little benefit for clients who are just beginning therapy.

The story’s different if your therapy course is nearing completion. In this case, checking in with your therapist once a month (or longer) makes sense, because by then you’re ready to face the world on your own.

6. What’s the Modality?

Glance back at #4 and 5 above. They’re intertwined with this one. If your therapist is experienced and utilizes an effective therapy modality, you’ll probably be done with therapy sooner than if you had seen an inexperienced counselor who employed a questionable theoretical orientation.

Take it from someone who used to practice a different modality. While in grad school, I worked as a psychological assistant for three years, providing therapy using a particular theoretical framework. My internship was done in that same modality. I continued practicing this way after obtaining my psychology license, which meant that altogether, I used this unnamed theory for a whopping 14 years.

Fast forward to 2018, when I first discovered Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. After my own internal system shocked me by responding so expressively to this modality, which I detailed in my upcoming book, Grieving Wholeheartedly, I decided to pursue formal training in IFS.

Want to hear something impressive? Even though I’ve only been practicing IFS for the last 7 years by the time of this writing, the successes I’ve witnessed in my practice thus far have eclipsed whatever change I managed to help my clients accomplish while using the old modality.

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Paul said, “The body is not made up of one part but of many” (1 Corinthians 12:14). What’s true of the body is true of the soul also, given that God is the Creator of both. So, based on this verse, we can say that the soul is made up of many parts.

Think of parts as aspects of yourself—like, for instance, how you are around your parents, which is different than the version of you that shows up around your BFF, which is probably also different than the version your co-workers recognize at work.

IFS, the psychological theory I practice, categorizes parts into three groups: managers, firefighters, and exiles. The first two are called protector parts because they strive to protect us from feeling the emotional pain held by exiles.

Too abstract? Then think Inside Out by Pixar. IFS would consider Riley’s major emotions—the ones portrayed in the movie—as her parts.

Here’s another example. Maya (a made-up identity) saw me some years ago. Before she entered therapy, she had already spent time getting to know and befriending these important parts.

She was already well acquainted with her major protector parts. She knew their locations in her body. She also knew about how these protector parts were related to her exiles. That’s why all I needed to do was help Maya unburden her exiles, which explains why, despite having an extensive trauma history, Maya successfully completed therapy less than a year after she began.

Your Own Therapy

I wrote this article with the assumption that you’re leaning toward seeing a mental health professional. However, this may not describe your stance. If you’re still deliberating the pros and cons of therapy, I get it. Take the time to read when you should seriously consider therapy.

The decision to pursue therapy is a personal one. No family member, professional counselor, or trusted voice can force it upon you. If your motivation to see a therapist is to get so-and-so off your back, you probably won’t get as much out of therapy. So, pray and ask the Lord if being in therapy is what you need in this season of your life.

May God’s peace guard your heart and mind (Philippians 4:7) as you decide.

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