Is It Ever Okay to Clean Someone Else’s House While You're a Guest?

Some social codes are pretty clear-cut when it comes to being a guest in someone's home—like offering to take your shoes off when you step inside. However, cleaning the host's home is one of those gray areas where it can be difficult to know whether it's courteous or a sign of disrespect.

For example, you might view vacuuming as a kind act of service, but others may think it means you're judging the cleanliness of their home. But on the other side, you might avoid loading your dirty cups in the dishwasher for fear of doing it wrong, while your host silently resents the extra work. To settle these silent debates once and for all, we turned to a professional etiquette coach. Here's which chores she suggests you do, and which ones to skip to be a good houseguest.

Leave Things as You Found Them (or Better)

Whether you're staying for a week or just for dinner, Cheperdak suggests keeping this one rule in mind. "At a minimum, guests should leave things as they found them, or better," she says. "It’s a sign of respect for the time and care your host put into preparing for your visit."

However, there are different degrees of 'better.' For example, offering to clear the table and put away leftovers after dinner is much different than deep cleaning the fridge in the process. When in doubt, don't overdo it; stick to cleaning up after yourself and the group activities you participate in.

When Extra Cleaning Is Helpful, Not Hurtful

Regardless of your intentions, performing extra chores beyond cleaning up after yourself can be perceived as a sign of respect or rudeness. And it's not up to you as the guest to decide. "It really depends on the host," Cheperdak says. "Some won’t take offense at all—they might even be thrilled that organizing their spice drawer sparks joy for you. Others may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable if they interpret your efforts as judgment."

The key is to know your audience, and when in doubt, just ask your host if doing a certain chore would be helpful. "Jumping in without permission, especially with more personal chores like vacuuming or organizing, might make your host feel self-conscious," she says. "Your intention may be kind, but you also want to respect any preferences or systems they already have in place."

It's also important to consider the context of your visit. For example, if you're coming for a leisurely visit under normal life circumstances, your host probably won't expect you to partake in daily cleaning activities. However, if you're visiting someone who has just had a baby or undergone a medical procedure, doing extra chores can be immensely helpful.

There are some chores that are inarguably polite to do when you're a house guest, and others that could potentially come across as disrespectful. To help take out some of the guesswork, Cheperdak made us a cheat sheet.

Polite and Respectful Chores

Cheperdak refers to cleaning up after yourself as a baseline of good manners. Some examples of these chores include:

• Washing your own dishes
• Putting away your bath towel
• Making your bed and stripping your sheets
• Doing a quick bathroom wipe-down (if you’ve made a mess)

Even though these chores are pretty safe to do regardless, Cheperdak says it's always polite to ask first. "It shows respect for your host’s routines," she says.

Chores That Are Potentially Rude

Any chore that falls outside the realm of cleaning up after yourself runs the risk of coming off as rude. It's best to avoid doing these tasks, and in some situations, don't even ask if you can do them. It may make your host feel embarrassed that you noticed an area of their home that needs cleaning.

"Unless you’re asked, avoid tasks that feel like you’re giving their home a makeover," Cheperdak says. "It can come off as judgmental."

Some potentially rude house guest chores include:

• Rearranging furniture
• Deep-cleaning the fridge
• Scrubbing floors unprompted
• Reorganizing drawers
• Dusting
  

The Bottom Line: Clean Up After Yourself

The line between respectful and rude is a delicate one when it comes to cleaning as a houseguest, but Cheperdak sums it up well. "Hosts appreciate guests who are present, gracious, and low-maintenance, not ones who treat their home like a project."

So, don't ruin a good visit by keeping yourself busy with someone else's chores, but aim to avoid creating extra housekeeping work for your host. And aside from cleaning up after yourself, there's one more thing you can do to leave a positive lasting impression. "Always follow up with a handwritten thank you note," Cheperdak says. "It’s one of the most timeless and underused gestures of gratitude."