'This S—t Is A—' - Pitchfork Guest Editor Eviscerates Tool's Biggest Album

Tool's chart-topping, multi-platinum third album Lateralus is largely considered one of the biggest and best metal albums of the 21st century — but that didn't stop a Pitchfork celebrity guest interviewer from eviscerating it in a new retrospective review.

Comedian and internet personality the Kid Mero (who rose to prominence co-hosting the Desus vs. Mero podcast alongside Desus Nice and later helmed the Desus & Mero talk show) offered his thoughts on the 2001 album, mincing no words in his brutal assessment as part of Pitchfork's new Guest Editor series.

READ MORE: Every Tool Song Ranked

What Did the Kid Mero Say About Tool's 'Lateralus'?

"I am going to go right ahead and give that a 1.5 'cause I hate motherfucking Tool," Mero said right off the bat. "God damn, them motherfuckers suck, boy. Hey, have you ever listened to that shit? Like, for real, for real? If I gave you a porcupine and I was like, 'Eat this shit alive, try to enjoy it,' you'd be like, 'No, there's no way I can enjoy this, man.'"

"This is Tool, man. Band name says it all," Mero continued. "I hope y'all also gave Tool a 1."

The comedian was vindicated to learn that Pitchfork awarded Lateralus a 1.9 out of 10 in its original review. (We tried to find a demonstrative pull quote, but the whole write-up is so rife with bong-hit navel-gazing that we actually have no idea what the author was trying to say.) But Mero thought that even a 1.9 was too generous.

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"And whoever did that was being nice. They might know Scott Stapp," Mero said. Then: "Oh, no, that's the guy from Creed. My bad. See? They're so ass that they are interchangeable in my mind."

When a staffer informed Mero that Tool's frontman is Maynard James Keenan, he remarked upon the singer's "weird-ass Civil War era name." Then he delivered the final blow.

"I'm sorry, man," he said. "If you put your heart and soul into this shit, I apologize, but this shit is ass."

Other Celebrities Who Hate Tool

Mero is not the first celebrity to voice his disdain for Tool. In 2023, comedian and podcaster Marc Maron explained that although he's friends with some of the band members, he can't get into their music.

"That shit's gotta be planted young, dude," Maron said. "If it wasn't planted in my weird, angry, adolescent head. … That's where it happens, but I missed all that. So, there I was, like in my 40s, kind of listening to Tool."

Comedian Reggie Watts also dragged the prog-metal giants that year. "As much hype as they get, I just don’t get it," he told Spin. "And they’re also not very nice. I saw ’em in Big Day Out Tour, and I was trying to get side-stage, and they were giving us all this grief. It was like, you could see everybody — all the artists could see other artists from the side of the stage — but they were like, 'No, only selected people.' And I’m just like, 'For this, are you fucking kidding me?'"

Watts continued: "I’m sorry guys, but you aren’t that good that you can have that kind of attitude. Ultimately no one is — although I could imagine it for Prince, like, 'Whatever you need, Prince.' Totally fine. But Tool? I’m like, 'You’re just math rock."

The comedian also said he was unimpressed with Keenan's voice, arguing, "There’s no presence to it. No presence. Not like Chris Cornell. He’s a fucking rock singer. Or Perry Farrell: his voice. Jesus Christ — that voice is insane."

Well ... WE don't hate Lateralus! See where we put it on our list of the 25 best metal albums of the first 25 years of the century (2000-2024):