A Window into Our Spouse’s Soul - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - June 23

A Window into Our Spouse’s Soul 

By: Michelle S. Lazurek

"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace." Song of Solomon 4:9

One day during my morning prayer time, I felt the Lord impress upon my heart the desire to bless my husband. He was working on his sermon at a local Starbucks, so I decided to surprise him. I stopped at the store before entering the coffee shop and got him a nice card. I wrote some lovely sentiments in it about how much he meant to me and entered the store. He was surprised to see me, kissed me on the cheek, and asked why I was there.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you," I replied. Figuratively patting myself on the back for a job well done, my husband read the card, put it down, and gently smiled before continuing with his work. This got me irritated. I told him I didn't want to bother him and quietly left the shop. Going home, I was upset that he didn't appreciate my card and surprise.

Didn't he care about me?

Why didn't he appreciate my gesture of love?

When he got home, we discussed it. I passionately declared that I was upset with how he cast the card aside, showing little appreciation or care for my gesture of love. As he processed it, he replied that he didn't intentionally mean to do that and apologized. As I processed the event, I realized something: I wasn't showing him love in the way he received it.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, states that people give and receive love in five ways: acts of service, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch. I receive love best when people spend time with me and do things for me. Yet, my husband receives love best when he receives words of affirmation, noting positive traits about his character and worth.

I realized, as I processed the event, that I gave him love in the same way I would receive love: by sacrificing my time to spend with him and tangibly serving him. Yet, he was looking for me to affirm him as a person.

The above confirms that deep, intimate connections, such as those with our spouse, should involve knowing each other intimately and deeply. It is interesting to note that this verse talks about being captured in love by "one glance of the eyes." This suggests that the two lovers, metaphorically discussed in this book, know each other intimately, simply through personal eye contact. Since eyes are the window to the soul, making eye contact means you know their heart.

In the above situation, I didn't know my husband's heart as well as I thought I did. I thought I was doing a great thing, but in the end, I only suited myself rather than loved my husband the way he needed to be loved.

Analyze the way you love your spouse. Do you find that you give them love the way they receive it? Do you know them well enough to identify their love language accurately? Or do you give love the way you think it should be? This can be either from the model set by your parents or the way you give and receive love. To give love only the way you like to receive it is incredibly selfish. Loving others means we put others above ourselves.

God sacrificed his only son in the ultimate gesture of love. He didn't think about himself by keeping his son for his own selfish gain. Instead, he gave up his only son to atone for our sins so that we could, in turn, connect with him deeply and achieve salvation. Although there is no way we can love our spouses the way God loves us, we can do our best by giving them love each day through their love languages. By doing so, we demonstrate God's great love for us.

Father, let us be a couple who loves each other the way we want to receive love. Help us not to selfishly give love in the way we want to receive it. Instead, let us know our spouse so intimately that with one glance of our eyes, we have a window into their soul. Let us strive to love others as we love you. Amen.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/LaylaBird

Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spritual Reset Podcast. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise

How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.