Eli Rallo Shares Her Non-Negotiables for Borrowing Books and Curating a Creative Space

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The author and TikTok star takes her home library seriously.

Whether you know her from TikTok, where she’s not afraid to share any and all opinions, or as the author of I Didn’t Know I Needed This, a modern guide to romance and dating, it's clear Eli Rallo has a way with words. Determined to become Gen Z’s Carrie Bradshaw, Rallo is a content creator, book club founder, and, above all, a writer. Like Bradshaw, she’s a true New Yorker—but she can also handle a slower pace, splitting her time between an apartment in the city and a home with her fiancé in Houston, Texas.

Rallo also knows what it means to be a voice of a generation—her 1.1M followers count on her to provide her thoughts on a range of cultural moments and topics, from Taylor Swift’s newest album to the premiere of Wicked to modern feminism.

Her new book, Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?, available now, asks fellow 20-somethings just that, while sharing how she navigates a quarter-life crisis. Rallo lays out the unspoken rules (throw out your jeans from college, and don’t feel bad about Irish exiting) that make the decade easier, as well as pointers for cultivating a creative life. Here, Rallo shares the house rules instilled in her by her restaurateur parents, how to encourage conversation at get-togethers (hint: wine is on the menu), and tips for creating a cozy space.

Eli Rallo’s House Rules

Rallo has given a lot of thought to creating a welcoming space for herself and others, between observing her parents’ hosting skills and experiencing a “revolving door of people” coming in and out of her home throughout childhood. She might not want a mansion, but you can be sure she’ll have high standards for her kitchen (and the wine that’s in it).

Q: If you were to hang a list of rules in your home, what would they be, and why?

I don't really have that many. Honestly, I feel like when I was growing up and first going to people’s homes just to spend time with friends or with my parents, the houses that had rules were bad houses. Like my parents—I’m so lucky—are the ultimate hosts. They open their door to anyone. I think the beauty of the fact that we grew up in such a generous, loving environment was that anyone was allowed through our doors, and there weren’t that many rules. 

1. There really are none. 
2. No bad energy. I really like my house to be a space that’s super positive. I take a lot of care in making sure there are candles and flowers, I always have music playing, and it’s organized. I just feel like your outer world reflects what your inner world is like, and vice versa. So I try to just keep the bad vibes away.
3. Know when to leave. That’s why I like to have friends that I could say, ‘Get out of my house’ to, because I definitely reach a limit where my social battery sort of runs out, and I'm like, ‘Please leave my home.’
4. Take your shoes off. I did not grow up in a household where you had to take your shoes off, but that was because my dad was a clean freak, and he was always Swiffering the floors and vacuuming. I’m not gonna do that, so I’m gonna need you to take your shoes off.
5. Always have food around the house. Whether it’s snacks or I made something, I feel like a good host. So if you’re coming to my house, always come hungry, and never bring anything. I will never show up at anyone’s home empty-handed.

Q: Are there any other rules your family instilled in you growing up?

It’s very niche; for people who grew up in restaurants or people whose families own businesses, there are always people around.

There were always people at my house, and I think that also extended to people around the table, constantly, all the time. I don’t really know if we ever had dinner, just the five of us, which is my family; I have two brothers. My dad worked at night, so we never had family dinners sitting around a table. We always just either ate takeout from the restaurants or we went to the restaurants. And then if we did have dinner as a family, there were always other people there: friends, family, someone random my dad met.

We had some rules ... My dad was very intense about the space, similar to me, being really calming and organized. So we had to put our stuff in our rooms, simple things like that. But in terms of the fact that every weekend at my house was like a revolving door of people coming over and wine and food—that was pretty much my whole childhood. 

Q: Did your family owning restaurants turn you into a foodie?

I think I have really refined taste. I wouldn’t say that I’m picky; I’m really easy, but picky in that it needs to be up to my standards. My parents’ restaurants are really good. One of them has been there for almost 30 years. It’s like a cornerstone for people, like a second home. And the food is so, so good. So I would say I’m constantly comparing everything to them, in a way, but I know the standard set for myself was a lot higher. So I feel like I’m a foodie, but I’m also easygoing. I’ll eat anything. 

Q: How would you describe your design style, and how did you discover it? 

My mom is incredibly talented. She seriously should have gone to school for interior design or fashion. My parents’ house is sincerely stunning; my mom designed the whole thing. I would say she has a very classic, sort of Americana chic—elevated but still really homey kind of design aesthetic. And there’s a lot of Italian influence from my dad. 

I don’t have the talent [my mom] does. But I would say that I really like to be comfortable and cozy, and I want people to feel like my space feels welcoming and lived-in. In a way, it’s very artistic. I like patterns, and I love to have my books everywhere, candles burning. It’s very literary; I feel like it's very bookish in the way of—a lot of coziness and reading.

Q: Books can also be decor; how do you incorporate them?

I think it’s interesting the way that a lot of people use books instead of reading—there are so many people who have full libraries and haven’t read any of their books. I don’t know if I necessarily subscribe to doing that, but you do you. I’m definitely more of the ilk where all of the books that are in my home are read already or intended to be read. And I’m territorial. If someone’s like, ‘Oh, can I borrow a book?’ It would have to be a book that I didn’t really like that much.

In order to have a library, you have to have 1,000 books. I’m encroaching on that number, but I'm very serious about not over-consuming books. So I’ve been putting together this library, and because I read between 25 and 50 books a year, it’s taken a really long time. I probably have 800 books, and I’m like, ‘Oh, my god, do not touch them.’ If I give one to you, I expect that you understand that’s a really big gesture.

Q: If you were to manifest your dream home, what would it look like?

I really like a cottage-y looking house. I like the houses in Texas because I really want to have a front porch. When [my fiance and I] think about buying a home, I know I’m going to be so picky, because I don’t want modern anything. I don't want beige, sadness, gray—nothing. I want original flooring and original fixtures, and I think it would have to give cottage.

I don’t like houses that are too big. There have been a couple of homes I’ve been in, where in order to find out who else is there, you have to call them on the phone—don’t love that. I would like a large home in terms of having enough space for a family and a library. What’s important to me is that it has a charming feel.

The kitchen is also really important. I feel like when I was growing up, it was an important space, a real third space in the home, in a way that a lot of people I don’t think would prioritize. And that’s the reason that we're in the rental that we’re in now—like, honestly, there are so many things wrong with it. But I was like, ‘I need to have this kitchen.’

There are French doors, installed open shelving, and it’s so cool. And then there’s tile, and there are big windows. A kitchen to me is, even if you don’t like to cook, it’s just a place where things happen in a house. It’s a very lived-in space.

Q: How do you set the tone when you’re writing at home?

I try not to, honestly, because I really like noise. It’s something I’ve never heard anyone else say, but I have a better imagination when I’m not just staring at a wall. I like to be at a coffee shop; I love to be in an airplane or an airport, or a hotel bar. I like to be in places where life is happening. So if I have to be at home because I’m just trying to get some words in between meetings or someone’s coming to the house or something, candles and music are mandatory. I’m usually putting my phone in another room, because that kind of distraction I don’t need. I can’t be sucked into the social media world. But I would say that, if I can, getting noise and life into the house is always good.

Q: Your book is about navigating a quarter-life crisis. How would you say that your space has changed during this transition and era of your life?

I would say probably in a good way. When I first moved to New York, I was in a windowless bedroom for $900 a month on the Upper West Side. It was a fifth-story walk-up, four girls sharing one bathroom, no washer-dryer. The bedroom was not legal, obviously. But who was keeping score? So you start there, but you romanticize the f*** out of that, because it’s like—what a time to be alive. ‘I live in New York, I have a walk-up. It’s crazy. My bedroom has no windows, but who cares? I go outside and I’m in New York City.’

Now that I’m 27, this is the first time that I’ve been like, ‘Oh, I have disposable income.’ ... As a result, I’ve been able to pour more into my home in an intentional way for the first time ... But I feel like those spaces serve a moment—like, it was so necessary to live in the windowless bedroom in the fifth-story walk-up with four other people and the guinea pig and a cat. That color, that time in my life—I couldn’t be in this put-together, adult space [without it]. And even now, like I said, my inner world and outer world are reflections of each other.

I absolutely love, love, love where we live now [in Texas], and also we have an apartment in Manhattan, and that home serves its exact purpose as well, where it’s just like the place that I go for work. I say it’s like my little hotel room. I think it’s really reflected this time in my life in so many ways. The last chapter of the book really goes through being 22 all the way to 27 and how much change I feel like I went through. And I also went through so much change with my spaces.

Q: What’s your favorite at-home activity to do with friends?

Just pouring some wine, putting on a good playlist, and just talking. That’s another thing I love so much about old homes, and when I moved into this one, thinking about, ‘What have these walls heard?’ For better, for worse. Yes, this is our home, but it was someone else’s home before that. And I think there’s something—the art of conversation is so lost to like, ‘Oh, let’s have a movie night. Let's watch Love Island.’ No, let’s just talk. I’m so grateful that I have friends who are such good conversationalists.

Q: What’s your hosting style? Are you more casual, or do you like to do a theme?

I don’t necessarily like a theme, but I wouldn’t say it’s casual. I’m always gonna go overboard if I'm having friends over—like a really, really ornate cheese board and intentionally selected wines, or I’ll make a cocktail. I’m not just gonna be like, ‘Oh, there’s wine.’ You know what I mean? I feel like I really think about it more than the average person, and so do my parents, for sure. 

Also, for me, wine is a passion. Wine is something that interests me. Wine is something that has been a part of my life. So it’s fun for me to be able to pick wines out and share that with my people.

Q: What are you most excited for with your book coming out?

I’m most excited to get it off my conscience. I think it’ll feel a bit like moving on from the things I wrote about, and I’m excited for people to take whatever resonates with them from it. That’s a really special part about being an artist. You’ll think certain things are like, ‘Oh, this one’s gonna hit,’ and it’s just not that. It takes on a life of its own with your audience, and that’s been my favorite part about creating.

Rapid-Fire Questions with Eli Rallo

Q: Minimalism or maximalism?

Maximalism.

Q: Memoir or summer romance novel?

Memoir. I don’t really like romance novels.

Q: Writing early in the morning or late at night?

Early in the morning.

Q: Glass of wine or cocktail?

Glass of wine. It’s crazy because everyone’s like, ‘Oh my god, Gen Z doesn't drink wine anymore.’ I’m like, ‘I do.’ I’m changing that.

Q: What’s your coffee order?

Oh, gosh, it really varies. But if I’m gonna go out and get something? If there’s any sort of specialty latte that’s fruity. I like blueberry, strawberry, raspberry white mochas, things like that. But if I’m going to a place and they don't have a special, I’ll just do a regular iced latte with vanilla. My favorite coffee shop in New York has a butterscotch drink. But I make coffee a lot. I have the Nespresso Creatista, which is a really expensive [machine]. Here’s the thing: It’s $800, but on Black Friday, it’s half off. I love it. It’s an espresso machine, but you can also froth your milk. I love my coffee at home. I like control.

Q: Current favorite Taylor Swift album?

The Tortured Poets Department.

Q: Any tips for starting a book club?

If you don’t have a built-in audience like I did, I feel like you have to do it with someone else. If you and a friend start a book club, then you’re bringing their circle and your circle together; that’s kind of fun. Find an accomplice. 

Q: Which Sex and the City character are you?

Everyone says Carrie, but I feel like I’m a little bit more Charlotte in personality. If you met me in person, I’m very dignified in my opinions, I feel like I’m very sweet, and I feel like the preppier, shiny brunette hair kind of vibe suits me better. But I definitely resonate with certain parts of all of them. Like, Samantha is so flippant and self-assured, and I understand that. And then obviously Carrie is a writer, and I feel like she harbors so much hope, which is something I really get. And then of course there’s Miranda, who’s so smart and so well-adjusted, and I feel like there are parts of that I understand too.