The Emotional Needs in a Marriage - PLUS Marriage Devotional

While many husbands in his line of work share a similar struggle with their wives, this struggle shouldn't consume the health of a marriage. Instead, once an issue has been brought to light, both parties must work through their misperceptions, unchecked frustrations, and selfishness.

I didn't recognize how dire this routine tension had become until my husband and I were in a tiff, and he looked at me and said, "When have you asked how I feel? What I'm worried about?" Then, it hit me: though my husband doesn't often gush his feelings, I can't assume it's because he doesn't want to be vulnerable with me. In my anxious rush to dump my four days' woes on him, I forget to check in and see how he's doing. I treat him like a vending machine, assuming that if I press the right buttons ("right" as defined by me), I'll get what I want.

Wives, it's too easy to assume that because your husband isn't overtly open about his feelings, you don't have to consider his emotional state before unloading on him. Meanwhile, husbands, realize that if you consistently bottle up your feelings and allow them to implode when you've reached your limit, you can't blame your wife. She can only know what you tell her. Emotional honesty doesn't have to be overly feminine. It simply has to be upfront, clear, and kind.

In a world that seems so unsure of what to make of gender norms and husband/wife stereotypes, let's settle the confusion with Hebrews 3:13. Husbands and wives, each day is a new chance to offer one another encouragement. Whether one of us is starting a new job or the other is stuck in a routine rut, let's cheer each other on. Whether one of us is battling health problems or the other has met new health goals, let's cheer each other on. Let's cheer each other on, whether one of us is in a healthy place with the kids or the other is not.

I'm sure you get the idea. If we prioritize encouraging our spouse each day, their emotional needs are met. In turn, they can prioritize our emotional needs. Then, and only then, are we serving one another above ourselves, living in humble vulnerability and reflecting Christ's love for His holy church.

Prayer: Father, it's easy to list my unmet needs and dump those pressures and unchecked emotions onto my spouse. Forgive me for not considering their emotional needs as well, and grant me the grace and wisdom to ask how they are before divulging all of my to-dos. Help me recall the way you put everyone above yourself, submitting to death on the cross. May I strive towards that same open, vulnerable humility as I place my spouse's needs above my own. Amen.

Discussion Questions: Which stressors tend to build the most angst and anxiousness in your heart each day? Once you recognize those, see if, when left unchecked, they are a primary reason you dump frustrated demands on your spouse. If you feel your spouse doesn't emotionally check in with you enough, ask yourself if you've shared how important this routine check-in is. Remember, your spouse is human. They can only know what you tell them.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Jacob Wackerhausen

Peyton Garland is an author, editor, and boy mama who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. Subscribe to her blog Uncured+Okay for more encouragement.

We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.