Be True Peacemakers - The Crosswalk Devotional - October 7

Be True Peacemakers
By: Michelle Lazurek

Bible Reading:
“If your brother or sister sins,  go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18:14-18

In a previous church, concerns were raised about relationships within the church. When my husband sat down with the leaders, we quickly knew this was no ordinary meeting. As each person spoke, it was clear that rumors and gossip had been flying for quite a while. While there were grains of truth to some statements and outright lies in others, one thing was clear:

No one had confronted my husband directly. 

Once the rumors were cleared up, and the situation went back to normal, we couldn't help but reel from the fact that people choose to gossip and spread rumors and lies, disparaging my husband's reputation, with no thought or consideration to him at all. If they had come to him, he could have cleared the air, and we could have been spared much more time and energy working to dispel rumors and working toward the Kingdom. After that, it was clear there was a lack of trust from both sides.

Matthew, in his gospel, outlines a straightforward way to lovingly confront someone, point out their sin, and work toward reconciliation and purity of the church. Although many people take the above verse as the model for conflict resolution, that's not the purpose for which it was written. It was written for people to point out someone's sin so that the purity of the church can be maintained. 

The above verse explains that the first step in lovingly confronting someone always begins with a one-on-one private confrontation. This spares the offender from shame or public humiliation. Those things do not belong in a church body. If the person will not listen, then it instructs that a person should bring another person along. Ideally, an elder or a pastor should be the person in that situation. 

The leader or the pastor should act as a mediator to resolve the conflict. The mediator mustn't have a bias toward the person offering the complaint. In some ways, it's a way to gang up on the offender. God sees the bigger picture and knows the full intention of each person's heart. No one person has all the truth. That's why it's essential to bring a mediator along to help diffuse the situation and extract the truth from it.

If the situation remains unresolved, then church discipline can be instituted. This does not mean a person is allowed to bring a person up in front of the church when leaders disagree with their complaint. If their complaint is unfounded, it does not mean the person should take the next step to fulfill what is written in the above verses.  

If you are embroiled in a conflict with someone and are unsure of how to proceed, the above verse provides an excellent guide for handling conflict effectively and biblically. Here are some ways to effectively deal with your conflict:

Confront Them Privately

Do not triangulate other people into your situation. That means the first step in Matthew 18 has not been followed. Go to that person in love and directly confront them with gentleness and respect. Name the offense using I statements. Let them know how you feel and how the situation has affected you. Listen to what the offender has to say. Sometimes there is an explanation or reason behind the situation.

Consult Another Leader 

If the person will not acknowledge anything regarding the incident, meet with an elder or a leader in your church. Make them aware of the situation and explain it in the same way you described it to the offender. Listen and solicit the advice of the elder or leader. If the elder or leader will not approach the situation or feels the problem is unwarranted, do not triangulate other people into this situation. This only breeds dissension and gossip. 

If you want to maintain your integrity and credibility by truly seeking reconciliation with the person, you must listen to the advice of the leadership. If you disagree with the decision, it is best to let either the situation go or leave the church. Holding on to an offense simply because you want justice or disagree with the decision is not a reason to hold on to it. 

If the leader is not willing to face the situation directly, but there is something warranted, consult a leader who is above the offender. If the offender is a pastor, consult with their district regarding their model for addressing conflict and resolving issues within the church.

Consult the Church

If a leader advises bringing it up in front of the church, then church discipline will be instituted. Do not use manipulative tactics such as gossip or slander to get your way. Triangulating other people who don't know both sides of the situation is not only unfair but also slanderous and libelous towards someone's reputation. The Bible warns us against these types of people. 

Seek church discipline only in the case of reconciliation and restoration for the person to separate themselves from their sin and turn from their ways. Do not use it as an avenue to get justice or revenge. In this case, you are no better than the offender.

Conflict can be complex and can lead to hurt feelings and soul wounds that only Jesus can heal. Do your best to work through your issues before confronting a person directly. Make sure you are right with the Lord before you go and talk to someone else about their unrighteousness.

Father, let us be people who resolve conflict gently. Allow us to use the model outlined in Matthew 18 as a guide for conflict resolution. Help us to be people who seek the restoration and reconciliation of the body of Christ. Amen.

Intersecting Faith & Life:

Do you have conflict with another brother or sister in Christ? What steps can you take towards reconciliation?

Further Reading:
Galatians 6:1-5

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/eclipse_images

Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spritual Reset Podcast. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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