Elevate Your Spouse - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - October 2

Elevate Your Spouse

By: Michelle Lazurek 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves." Philippians 2:3

During a recent conversation with my husband, we discussed past ministry experiences. We talked about what the future would look like in terms of our pastoral ministry. However, as we talked, I quickly realized that he had made some less-than-stellar decisions when the going got tough in ministry. He often sat in silence among leadership and failed to act in the congregation's best interest. Other times, he made decisions based on what he wanted to do rather than what was best for the church. When I discovered what he had done, I was upset. Although everyone makes mistakes, it's not okay to continue making those mistakes or to make them to meet your personal emotional needs.

When I had an interview regarding the possibility of changing direction within my ministry, I was asked questions by a committee comprised of elders and leaders from churches within our district. When it came to discussing how we work together in our ministry, I had ample opportunity to recount every horrible detail of all the mistakes he had made.

But instead, I chose kindness. I decided to speak highly of him in his ministry. I chose to focus on the majority of the good that he had done rather than the few mistakes that he had made.

Honestly, I am tempted to put him down to build myself up, a temptation I easily could have succumbed. Instead, I chose to treat him the way I would want to be treated. I decided to elevate him and lower myself. I chose to elevate him based on the many good things he had done in ministry rather than focusing on the few bad decisions he had made.

Best of all, I had seen a change in him from years past and trusted that the Holy Spirit was doing inner work and transforming his life, which would result in humility, repentance, and a pursuit of righteousness.

Ministry is difficult, but it is especially challenging during a marriage; it often takes precedence over other aspects of life, including children's events and significant activities in their lives. Spouses usually give up time together, even during special events and milestones like birthdays and anniversaries. Although a lot of good comes out of ministry for a couple, it can also be downright draining.

But the above verse reminds me that I need to pursue humility in all things. When I'm tempted to put him down to make myself feel better or to elevate myself, I must resist that temptation. I do that by simply choosing to focus on most of his good qualities rather than on the bad ones. By putting him down and elevating myself, I would have been pursuing vain conceit and selfish ambition.

I was looking out for myself rather than for the welfare of my spouse. Regardless of how difficult the situation may be and how unlovable my spouse can be at times, I am called to elevate him and put him above myself so that I can attain the Christ-like qualities God desires. Sometimes the best way God will achieve those qualities is through the marriage relationship.

Just as Christ chose to humble Himself and empty Himself of His power by dying on the cross for our sins, we can also pursue humility every day. When we choose to focus on other people and make them higher than ourselves, God blesses it.

Scripture also tells us that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. When we choose to humble ourselves, he offers grace to us when we sin and forgives us our iniquities. However, when we are prideful, God will humble us in whatever way necessary to achieve the Christ-like character He desires.

Just as in anything else, pursue humility. Allow God to transform you and make a habit of putting others above yourself. When you choose humility and make others better than yourself, God will elevate you to the proper position and title at the right time.

Let's Pray:

Father, let us elevate others above ourselves. When we operate in humility, allow it to become a daily posture from which we function. Amen.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/LordHenriVoton

Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spritual Reset Podcast. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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